Maybe it is just me..but the life of an autism mommy is a very lonely one. I'm not complaining..this isn't what this blog is about but instead the realization of the truth. I guess it will sound like complaining. But, whatever. I don't really care. Nobody will understand the life of an autism mommy unless they are affected by autism first hand. I think the number one thing you need is support. Unfortunately, I have very little of that. Which breaks my heart but that is life I guess.
Next Monday my son will be admitted into the hospital to do an LTM. A 3 day hospital stay to monitor seizure activity. He will have to stay in a hospital bed that whole time, have an iv in his arm the whole time, with wires on his head and chest the whole time. I will be with him. Maybe switching off days with my husband. But, this is very worrisome to me. I am freaking out. But, I don't have anyone to talk about it. Even if I do mention it to a 'friend' they don't understand. They don't know what to say. But, I guess that is just it. Nobody gets it and nobody knows what to say. I just wish I had one of those families that actually TRULY loves each other and is there for each other no matter what. I really wonder what that would be like. I wonder if our life would be better and if our stress would be less. I have no idea. But, all I know is I am alone in this. I have my husband...but we aren't on the same page. The stress is getting to the both of us.
I am doing a walk for Autism Speaks this Saturday. We have a team in honor of our son. We have doubled our fundraising goal and have raised $1,010 so far! Which is simply AMAZING! It is supposed to rain on Saturday though. :( I really hope it doesn't! That would suck really bad!
Anyway, this walk was really important to me. This is my first Autism Speaks walk and I am excited. I am excited that we have raised this much in honor of my son and for Autism Speaks. What I find sad though is the lack of support from family. Really goes to show who cares and who doesn't. Which is mostly everyone..From this point on I will only focus on MY family. I am going to try my hardest to not let the sadness get to me...
I really wish the whole world was aware of autism. Aware of everything really. I just don't understand how easy it is for people to offend others for fun. I don't get it. Even if you are ignorant, even if you do not understand autism..why would you still let cruel words out of your mouth? How can people like that sleep at night? Their are evil people in this world and I am sick of it. I just want to move to an accepting place. No judgement, no pity, etc.
Sorry for the deep post. I have had a lot of my mind lately and it is getting to me. I wish I had somebody to talk to regularly about these things so I don't keep them bottled up.
2 comments:
I mos def don't go through what you are going through as far as autism. But my boss' son is autistic and she has talked to me about it and I have been working there 5 years, before they even found out he was autistic. Her husbands family was in COMPLETE denial about it when it was something they started to see, her mother in-law would say he wasn't autistic and her husband was a dick about it. He is the sweetest boy and I know it is hard on her everyday. I know that telling you it will be ok will not help believe me my other blog, I am getting plenty of that and I'm not ok and not sure I will be. I hope his tests go good and i know it is going to be very hard for your little family because you have told me about how the family situation is somewhat. If you ever want to talk I am here and I mean it, just message me on FB if you want my number. P.s. if I had the money I would donate for the walk since I live so far away. But it does inspire me to try to put something together here and see if my boss would ever consider.
Hi Jackie! I am just now seeing your comment! Ugh! Anyway, thank you for your kind words. It is very hard and overwhelming at times. But, in good news, he did the hospital stay and the doctor said that there wasnt any activity of concern and she doesnt think he needs to be on any medication. We still have to go in for the follow up and official report though. Hoping everything is good though! and the walk was a success too! We doubled our goal. I need to start using this blogger more. I always forget about it. haha.
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