Maybe it is just me..but the life of an autism mommy is a very lonely one. I'm not complaining..this isn't what this blog is about but instead the realization of the truth. I guess it will sound like complaining. But, whatever. I don't really care. Nobody will understand the life of an autism mommy unless they are affected by autism first hand. I think the number one thing you need is support. Unfortunately, I have very little of that. Which breaks my heart but that is life I guess.
Next Monday my son will be admitted into the hospital to do an LTM. A 3 day hospital stay to monitor seizure activity. He will have to stay in a hospital bed that whole time, have an iv in his arm the whole time, with wires on his head and chest the whole time. I will be with him. Maybe switching off days with my husband. But, this is very worrisome to me. I am freaking out. But, I don't have anyone to talk about it. Even if I do mention it to a 'friend' they don't understand. They don't know what to say. But, I guess that is just it. Nobody gets it and nobody knows what to say. I just wish I had one of those families that actually TRULY loves each other and is there for each other no matter what. I really wonder what that would be like. I wonder if our life would be better and if our stress would be less. I have no idea. But, all I know is I am alone in this. I have my husband...but we aren't on the same page. The stress is getting to the both of us.
I am doing a walk for Autism Speaks this Saturday. We have a team in honor of our son. We have doubled our fundraising goal and have raised $1,010 so far! Which is simply AMAZING! It is supposed to rain on Saturday though. :( I really hope it doesn't! That would suck really bad!
Anyway, this walk was really important to me. This is my first Autism Speaks walk and I am excited. I am excited that we have raised this much in honor of my son and for Autism Speaks. What I find sad though is the lack of support from family. Really goes to show who cares and who doesn't. Which is mostly everyone..From this point on I will only focus on MY family. I am going to try my hardest to not let the sadness get to me...
I really wish the whole world was aware of autism. Aware of everything really. I just don't understand how easy it is for people to offend others for fun. I don't get it. Even if you are ignorant, even if you do not understand autism..why would you still let cruel words out of your mouth? How can people like that sleep at night? Their are evil people in this world and I am sick of it. I just want to move to an accepting place. No judgement, no pity, etc.
Sorry for the deep post. I have had a lot of my mind lately and it is getting to me. I wish I had somebody to talk to regularly about these things so I don't keep them bottled up.
Wednesday, November 9, 2011
Friday, October 28, 2011
MRI was normal!
So, the MRI came back normal! So RELIEVED when I was told this! I had been worried and wasnt even to sleep at night because I was just staying up thinking of all the bad things as to why the EEG could have came back abnormal.
WHATS NEXT: We have to do the 3 day hospital stay at CHOC. It was scheduled for October but I decided to reschedule to November because it was just too close to the MRI and both the EEG and MRI were pretty traumatizing for him. I wanted a little space in between. I wish my little man didnt have to go through all this. I have a feeling this hospital stay is going to be a waste of time. I am really nervous and worried about it. He has to be stuck in a bed for 3 days, with an iv, and wires all over. I KNOW he wont cooperate..but we are still going to try. I just cant wait till all this is over and we figure out what is going on.
Meanwhile, it is really hard to get a hold of D's neurologist and quite frankly I do not like the guy. He is very rude and doesnt act like he has experience with special needs kids and families. ALSO, I have been trying since August to book a follow up but guess what? He is booked up till Jan and his pedi wanted him to be seen in Oct. So, that obviously isnt happening. His doctor put in a referral for him to see a specialist at UCI in Orange. Hopefully this person will be more helpful than the other guy at CHOC.
All this stuff is really getting to Devyn. I feel like he is going through a major regression stage. His behaviors are going down hill...he is scared of a lot of things. Wont try new things most of the time. Has major meltdowns when going to new places or places he hasnt been to in a long time. It makes life really hard.
On the upside..he has developed more new language. He has actually directed questions towards me. All by himself with no prompting! Pretty amazing. He still cannot hold a conversation though. Only answers questions (sometimes) with a yes or a no.
Other than that we are just tying to get through the holidays. Devyn doesnt really like Halloween too much. I am trying to make it fun. We have done a few projects. We made Halloween candle holders. The kids' painted mason jars and we put tea lights in them. Pretty neat. As for a costume..he hated all the costumes he saw. I thought he would tolerate being a little baseball player...I was wrong! He doesnt like it. I did however, get him to put on the baseball uniform to go to his Halloween play group a few weeks ago. After about 45 minutes of crying and screaming though...Hope he gets in the holiday spirit on Monday! I know it will be hard to get him into his baseball outfit to go to school though. Not sure if he will do that..But, I hope he has fun on Halloween at school though. We are planning to go to Pretend City's ASD Halloween night. So happy they have that available to us. Especially on Halloween. He loves it there. It is basically a children's museum and they are going to do a little trick of treat thing there! I wanted to take them to a few houses afterwards to see if he wants to trick or treat. But, still not too sure about that yet.
Other than all that..just trying to get things ready for the walk. Pretty disappointed with it thus far though. I mean I am excited about it. But, I am just disappointed about the lack of support from family and friends. I have a feeling not many people will show..and I doubt we will reach our goal. I have sent out a lot of emails. What hurts the most is being ignored. I should have expected it though..my family sucks and most of them are in no way supportive. Whatever though..all that matters is MY little family. I am my sons advocate. At least I will be there in support of him..and his little sister and daddy! :)
We are also doing a fundraiser for Team Devyn and Autism Speaks at Ruby's Diner in Irvine next week! Hope people come out to that..I'm not counting on it. But, even a few people will make me happy.
Happy Halloween everyone!!
WHATS NEXT: We have to do the 3 day hospital stay at CHOC. It was scheduled for October but I decided to reschedule to November because it was just too close to the MRI and both the EEG and MRI were pretty traumatizing for him. I wanted a little space in between. I wish my little man didnt have to go through all this. I have a feeling this hospital stay is going to be a waste of time. I am really nervous and worried about it. He has to be stuck in a bed for 3 days, with an iv, and wires all over. I KNOW he wont cooperate..but we are still going to try. I just cant wait till all this is over and we figure out what is going on.
Meanwhile, it is really hard to get a hold of D's neurologist and quite frankly I do not like the guy. He is very rude and doesnt act like he has experience with special needs kids and families. ALSO, I have been trying since August to book a follow up but guess what? He is booked up till Jan and his pedi wanted him to be seen in Oct. So, that obviously isnt happening. His doctor put in a referral for him to see a specialist at UCI in Orange. Hopefully this person will be more helpful than the other guy at CHOC.
All this stuff is really getting to Devyn. I feel like he is going through a major regression stage. His behaviors are going down hill...he is scared of a lot of things. Wont try new things most of the time. Has major meltdowns when going to new places or places he hasnt been to in a long time. It makes life really hard.
On the upside..he has developed more new language. He has actually directed questions towards me. All by himself with no prompting! Pretty amazing. He still cannot hold a conversation though. Only answers questions (sometimes) with a yes or a no.
Other than that we are just tying to get through the holidays. Devyn doesnt really like Halloween too much. I am trying to make it fun. We have done a few projects. We made Halloween candle holders. The kids' painted mason jars and we put tea lights in them. Pretty neat. As for a costume..he hated all the costumes he saw. I thought he would tolerate being a little baseball player...I was wrong! He doesnt like it. I did however, get him to put on the baseball uniform to go to his Halloween play group a few weeks ago. After about 45 minutes of crying and screaming though...Hope he gets in the holiday spirit on Monday! I know it will be hard to get him into his baseball outfit to go to school though. Not sure if he will do that..But, I hope he has fun on Halloween at school though. We are planning to go to Pretend City's ASD Halloween night. So happy they have that available to us. Especially on Halloween. He loves it there. It is basically a children's museum and they are going to do a little trick of treat thing there! I wanted to take them to a few houses afterwards to see if he wants to trick or treat. But, still not too sure about that yet.
Other than all that..just trying to get things ready for the walk. Pretty disappointed with it thus far though. I mean I am excited about it. But, I am just disappointed about the lack of support from family and friends. I have a feeling not many people will show..and I doubt we will reach our goal. I have sent out a lot of emails. What hurts the most is being ignored. I should have expected it though..my family sucks and most of them are in no way supportive. Whatever though..all that matters is MY little family. I am my sons advocate. At least I will be there in support of him..and his little sister and daddy! :)
We are also doing a fundraiser for Team Devyn and Autism Speaks at Ruby's Diner in Irvine next week! Hope people come out to that..I'm not counting on it. But, even a few people will make me happy.
Happy Halloween everyone!!
Sunday, September 25, 2011
Oh life....
I havent updated in awhile. Life has been kind of crazy. Lots going on and I've been on an emotional roller coaster. Devyn had a seizure at the end of June. It was the scariest night of my life. We didnt know what was going on. I was sleeping and my husband heard D coughing in his sleep in the other room. He went to go check on him and he was shaking and turned over and threw up on his bed. He brought him down to the floor where he lay stiff and not moving. His eyes were open but he was blinking and my husband couldnt tell if he was breathing. He started CPR. I woke up to him screaming Devyn devyn!! I didnt know what was going on! I was screaming and crying...but after my husband started CPR he turned over and threw up some more. I held him and he just sat there with me. We took him to urgent care and they ordered an EEG and neuro consult. The EEG was very difficult. He had to be sleep deprived..he was very very terrified. But, they were able to do the EEG. At the consult they told us that the EEG came back abnormal so his neurologist ordered an MRI and this thing called an LVN or LVM. It is a three day hospital stay for monitoring because he sometimes stares off like daydreaming. I was very scared about the MRI. We went to that last week. He did good during registration and the waiting. But we were there for a long time and he started getting restless. Wouldnt let me change him into a gown..I could barely put his shoes on. We finally took him to where the MRI machine was and as soon as he saw it he threw himself on the floor and starting crying and screaming. As much as it broke my heart I had to drag him to the table with the help of somebody and put him on the bed. Four people had to hold him down then they sedated him. He was fighting until he was completely sedated. Of course I was crying by this point. When the MRI was done I went back and he was very out of it. Crying and screaming trying to get out of the bed. Very scared. I tried to hold him and he calmed down a little bit..but he just wanted to leave. They discharged us and he finally called down when we got back to the car. They are supposed to call us next week for the results. Please pray that the results come back normal. I really hope nothing shows up on that MRI that can be causing these episodes. I could not handle it. I was crying all last night because I kept looking things up and I was scaring myself. I hope my baby is okay. I really hate that he has to go through all this stuff. He has no idea what is going on...I really hope he is okay.
So, that is what has been going on in our life. Still lots of therapy, play groups, appts, etc. So much stuff! We have been busy. Devyn has been picking up A LOT of language. It is pretty amazing. It makes me so happy! He is taking little steps to actually having conversations instead of just answering yes or no. His behavior with Autumn has also gotten better. Still needs work..and he still pushes quite often. But, his behavior with her has been way better then it has been.
He is on break from school for the next three weeks. I really need to find some stuff for him to do! Because when these breaks roll around he really gets out of routine and behaviors start acting up! Oh, another thing that has been happening is he has been scared of going to any new place since getting the EEG. Literally, every new place and places he hasnt been in awhile he has total meltdown and a lot more sensory overloads. It is really sad to watch. I feel like he is missing out on A LOT. I really hope he gets better with this..but until then I'm going to keep trying little by little. But, I think all this stuff going on is just finally getting to him.
I dont know if anyone reads my blog. But, if anyone is reading this please pray for my baby. Please pray if you do for the the MRI to come back normal!!!! Thank you! :)
So, that is what has been going on in our life. Still lots of therapy, play groups, appts, etc. So much stuff! We have been busy. Devyn has been picking up A LOT of language. It is pretty amazing. It makes me so happy! He is taking little steps to actually having conversations instead of just answering yes or no. His behavior with Autumn has also gotten better. Still needs work..and he still pushes quite often. But, his behavior with her has been way better then it has been.
He is on break from school for the next three weeks. I really need to find some stuff for him to do! Because when these breaks roll around he really gets out of routine and behaviors start acting up! Oh, another thing that has been happening is he has been scared of going to any new place since getting the EEG. Literally, every new place and places he hasnt been in awhile he has total meltdown and a lot more sensory overloads. It is really sad to watch. I feel like he is missing out on A LOT. I really hope he gets better with this..but until then I'm going to keep trying little by little. But, I think all this stuff going on is just finally getting to him.
I dont know if anyone reads my blog. But, if anyone is reading this please pray for my baby. Please pray if you do for the the MRI to come back normal!!!! Thank you! :)
Thursday, July 28, 2011
Regular Mothers & Special needs Mothers
Regular Moms vs Special Needs Moms
Moms, a stranger walks among you. We look like regular moms, but we are the hybrid to your standard engine. Our child’s disability altered us, enhanced us. Many words describe us: resilient, creative, protective, emboldened, sympathetic, fierce and determined. We are special needs moms. How do our lives stand apart from your own? Take a look under the hood and see for yourself.
Regular moms tell their kids to wake up and get dressed in the morning. And they do it.
Special needs moms put on battle gear to get our kids ready to start their day.
Regular moms ask their kids if they brushed their teeth.
Special needs moms prompt, “Brush your top teeth. Brush your bottom teeth. Did you get the sides? Open your mouth. My God, give me that toothbrush! You’ve left half your meal in there!”
Regular moms wave goodbye as their kids run off to catch the school bus.
Special needs moms get awesome door-to-door bus service for their child.
Regular moms know the names of all their friends.
Special needs moms know most of their friends by their username.
Regular moms judge other moms when kids have tantrums in stores.
Special needs moms say to themselves, “Hmm, I wonder which disability he has?”
Regular moms complain about driving their kids to sports and recreation classes.
Special needs mom grin and bear the weekly trips to tutors, doctors and therapists.
Regular moms’ kids have a teacher.
Special needs moms’ kids have a team.
Regular moms talk about accomplishments.
Special needs moms talk about skills, as in play skills, conversation skills, life skills, social skills and vocational skills.
Regular moms relax with their kids during the summer.
Special needs moms start their second job as home teachers, therapists and skills coaches.
Regular moms think accommodations refer to hotels.
Special needs moms have memorized the top 20 accommodations for their child.
Regular moms hope their child finds a good career.
Special needs moms are hopeful someone gives our child the chance to work.
Regular moms soak in the tub when they want to unwind.
Special needs moms consider a bathroom break a luxury.
Regular moms enjoy reading the latest best selling book.
Special needs moms should receive an honorary degree for all the disability books they’ve read.
Regular moms go out for dinner and a movie with their husbands every month.
Special needs moms have a date night with their husbands every…wait, what decade is this?
Regular moms complain their kids won’t eat their vegetables.
Special needs moms are so desperate we consider chicken nuggets to be a legitimate meat product and throw in ketchup as a vegetable.
Regular moms’ kids go to play groups.
Special needs moms’ kids go to therapy groups.
Regular moms meet for a ladies night out.
Special needs moms get together at support groups and forums.
Regular moms have medical claim forms that fit in one file folder.
Special needs moms will tell you a small forest was cut down so we could receive our claims.
Regular moms think OT means overtime.
Special needs moms know more acronyms than a NASA engineer.
Regular moms complain their husbands sit on the couch while they do all the work.
Special needs moms…well how about that? Some things do stay the same!
Moms, a stranger walks among you. We look like regular moms, but we are the hybrid to your standard engine. Our child’s disability altered us, enhanced us. Many words describe us: resilient, creative, protective, emboldened, sympathetic, fierce and determined. We are special needs moms. How do our lives stand apart from your own? Take a look under the hood and see for yourself.
Regular moms tell their kids to wake up and get dressed in the morning. And they do it.
Special needs moms put on battle gear to get our kids ready to start their day.
Regular moms ask their kids if they brushed their teeth.
Special needs moms prompt, “Brush your top teeth. Brush your bottom teeth. Did you get the sides? Open your mouth. My God, give me that toothbrush! You’ve left half your meal in there!”
Regular moms wave goodbye as their kids run off to catch the school bus.
Special needs moms get awesome door-to-door bus service for their child.
Regular moms know the names of all their friends.
Special needs moms know most of their friends by their username.
Regular moms judge other moms when kids have tantrums in stores.
Special needs moms say to themselves, “Hmm, I wonder which disability he has?”
Regular moms complain about driving their kids to sports and recreation classes.
Special needs mom grin and bear the weekly trips to tutors, doctors and therapists.
Regular moms’ kids have a teacher.
Special needs moms’ kids have a team.
Regular moms talk about accomplishments.
Special needs moms talk about skills, as in play skills, conversation skills, life skills, social skills and vocational skills.
Regular moms relax with their kids during the summer.
Special needs moms start their second job as home teachers, therapists and skills coaches.
Regular moms think accommodations refer to hotels.
Special needs moms have memorized the top 20 accommodations for their child.
Regular moms hope their child finds a good career.
Special needs moms are hopeful someone gives our child the chance to work.
Regular moms soak in the tub when they want to unwind.
Special needs moms consider a bathroom break a luxury.
Regular moms enjoy reading the latest best selling book.
Special needs moms should receive an honorary degree for all the disability books they’ve read.
Regular moms go out for dinner and a movie with their husbands every month.
Special needs moms have a date night with their husbands every…wait, what decade is this?
Regular moms complain their kids won’t eat their vegetables.
Special needs moms are so desperate we consider chicken nuggets to be a legitimate meat product and throw in ketchup as a vegetable.
Regular moms’ kids go to play groups.
Special needs moms’ kids go to therapy groups.
Regular moms meet for a ladies night out.
Special needs moms get together at support groups and forums.
Regular moms have medical claim forms that fit in one file folder.
Special needs moms will tell you a small forest was cut down so we could receive our claims.
Regular moms think OT means overtime.
Special needs moms know more acronyms than a NASA engineer.
Regular moms complain their husbands sit on the couch while they do all the work.
Special needs moms…well how about that? Some things do stay the same!
Thursday, June 16, 2011
A must read for everybody..
I think this is a must read for everybody. Ignorance really needs to disappear!
I tried posting the link but for some reason it wasn't showing up..
What to say and not say to a parent that has a child with Autism
Written on May 30, 2011 by Stuart Duncan
Filed Under: Autism
I’ve written quite often about how having a child with Autism forces you to have far more patience than you ever thought you could have… but there are still limits. And even though your patience levels can seem limitless for your child, you may find that you don’t have the same tolerances when it comes to others or some of the ignorant things they say, whether innocently intended or not.
There are a few lists out there of things not to say to us parents, but this is more of a list of things not to say or else you may just push us beyond the breaking point. Don’t worry though, I’ll follow it up with some things that I think would actually be nice to say.
do not sayDo not say
* Your kid just needs proper discipline
* My kids would never get away with that
* What made your kid autistic? Was it something you did?
* You shouldn’t take your kid out if they’re just going to be like that.
* Your kid doesn’t look autistic
* Are you sure your kid is autistic?
* Why would you have more children if there’s a risk they could have autism too?
* Have you thought about a group home or institution for your child, so that you can go back to having a normal life?
* Sorry, I don’t really want my child to play with yours.
* Your kid is defective
* Your kid will grow out of it, right?
* Autism? That’s like Rain Man, right?
* It must be nice to get special funding or special help!
* I hope my kids don’t end up like yours
* You need to watch your kids better
* Maybe you’re just bad parents
* But all children do that
* But your kid was so good for me
* Referring to your child with a nickname such as “rain man” or “stimmer”
Yes, these are actual phrases I’ve heard or have heard second hand (parents told me someone said it to them). Ok, now that your blood is boiling, let’s continue on.
Here are some nicer things to hear.
Do say
* You’re doing such a great job
* I don’t know how you are able to do so much
* Your child is progressing so well, you must be very proud
* If I can help, just let me know.
* I don’t know much about it but I’m willing to learn
* I’ve read some studies, heard the news but I’d love to hear what you think
I tried posting the link but for some reason it wasn't showing up..
What to say and not say to a parent that has a child with Autism
Written on May 30, 2011 by Stuart Duncan
Filed Under: Autism
I’ve written quite often about how having a child with Autism forces you to have far more patience than you ever thought you could have… but there are still limits. And even though your patience levels can seem limitless for your child, you may find that you don’t have the same tolerances when it comes to others or some of the ignorant things they say, whether innocently intended or not.
There are a few lists out there of things not to say to us parents, but this is more of a list of things not to say or else you may just push us beyond the breaking point. Don’t worry though, I’ll follow it up with some things that I think would actually be nice to say.
do not sayDo not say
* Your kid just needs proper discipline
* My kids would never get away with that
* What made your kid autistic? Was it something you did?
* You shouldn’t take your kid out if they’re just going to be like that.
* Your kid doesn’t look autistic
* Are you sure your kid is autistic?
* Why would you have more children if there’s a risk they could have autism too?
* Have you thought about a group home or institution for your child, so that you can go back to having a normal life?
* Sorry, I don’t really want my child to play with yours.
* Your kid is defective
* Your kid will grow out of it, right?
* Autism? That’s like Rain Man, right?
* It must be nice to get special funding or special help!
* I hope my kids don’t end up like yours
* You need to watch your kids better
* Maybe you’re just bad parents
* But all children do that
* But your kid was so good for me
* Referring to your child with a nickname such as “rain man” or “stimmer”
Yes, these are actual phrases I’ve heard or have heard second hand (parents told me someone said it to them). Ok, now that your blood is boiling, let’s continue on.
Here are some nicer things to hear.
Do say
* You’re doing such a great job
* I don’t know how you are able to do so much
* Your child is progressing so well, you must be very proud
* If I can help, just let me know.
* I don’t know much about it but I’m willing to learn
* I’ve read some studies, heard the news but I’d love to hear what you think
Friday, June 10, 2011
Devyn is still in his hitting phase. I really hope this will stop soon. He is being so difficult. Chris and I just went to this parenting class about behaviors in kids with autism at For Oc Kids the other day. It was pretty beneficial. Unfortunately, the class is only 2 sessions and only an hour and a half each. It was REALLY nice being able to be around people who understand what I'm feeling. It also was kind of weird too though because there were much older parents. I think we were the youngest ones there even though I feel really really old. They gave us hand outs and charts to chart his behaviors he has day to day. Next class we are supposed to go over them I think.
I finally got a hold of his teacher but she still didn't answer all my questions. I'm getting kind of annoyed with her. She rarely gives me updates. She is not good at responding to emails and even when she does she doesn't answer all my questions. When I call I end up leaving messages. UGH. But she did say that he does good with a calendar type thing with pictures and activities. So, I think I'm going to make him a calendar of things he does on a daily basis. Maybe it will help with his obsessive behaviors lately. He has been really obsessed with school and everything school related. I'm glad he loves school but when he has to have his backpack on and his lunch bag in his backpack WITH all his food in there all the time then there is a problem here!
I don't know how he will react on his school break..he will be on break from the June 15th till July 25th I believe. I might just go insane. I love him...but I have been having a lot of breakdowns lately with his behavior and just everything going on in general. I really wish I had more support with this. Or just more support in general. It is really sad how people are there for others now a days. Really makes me fear for the world my children will grow up in. I know the world wont be kind to Devyn as he grows older and I constantly worry about that..
Anyway, next weekend should be interesting. Devyn has his playgroup and then right after we are going to a birthday party. I'm always hesitant about going to those type of events now because of his meltdowns. I really hope he will be okay while we are there. Please cross your fingers for no hitting attacks!
I finally got a hold of his teacher but she still didn't answer all my questions. I'm getting kind of annoyed with her. She rarely gives me updates. She is not good at responding to emails and even when she does she doesn't answer all my questions. When I call I end up leaving messages. UGH. But she did say that he does good with a calendar type thing with pictures and activities. So, I think I'm going to make him a calendar of things he does on a daily basis. Maybe it will help with his obsessive behaviors lately. He has been really obsessed with school and everything school related. I'm glad he loves school but when he has to have his backpack on and his lunch bag in his backpack WITH all his food in there all the time then there is a problem here!
I don't know how he will react on his school break..he will be on break from the June 15th till July 25th I believe. I might just go insane. I love him...but I have been having a lot of breakdowns lately with his behavior and just everything going on in general. I really wish I had more support with this. Or just more support in general. It is really sad how people are there for others now a days. Really makes me fear for the world my children will grow up in. I know the world wont be kind to Devyn as he grows older and I constantly worry about that..
Anyway, next weekend should be interesting. Devyn has his playgroup and then right after we are going to a birthday party. I'm always hesitant about going to those type of events now because of his meltdowns. I really hope he will be okay while we are there. Please cross your fingers for no hitting attacks!
Thursday, May 19, 2011
Update.
Well, I started writing a blog and somehow it got deleted even though I saved it. Now I cant remember what I wrote. Haha. Well, anyway, things have been pretty crazy around here. Lots of emotions.
Devyn is doing good in school. Still not eating a lot. He has been eating less actually. Since he has been going to school and getting up early he doesn't eat breakfast most of the time. At lunch (at school) he only eats a few snacks. Then he never eats dinner so we have to resort to a bowl of cereal. I keep trying to get him to eat. But, he has become very aggressive. He has been up and down with that. He likes to throw his food now. He has also started to hit and kick a lot. He has slapped me quite a few times in the fast few weeks. It is like this hitting popped out of nowhere. He has only hit me in the face once and that was a long time ago. The throwing is getting out of control too. He throws anything he sees! Most of the time it is when he is frustrated and he isn't getting what he wants. I'm trying to use firm direction but it is quite hard. I hope these phases of his eating and hitting go away soon!!
He is doing really good when first and then is used (his teacher told me). I have been using this a lot when I'm trying to talk to him. The other day he wanted something and I said first diaper then so and so (I cant exactly remember what it was). But, of course he had a fit and started throwing things so I put him in time out. He was crying and sitting there for awhile and then all of a sudden says first diaper! I was shocked and happy! I hope he really is understanding. It made me happy and I cried a little! heh. Sometimes the hitting and throwing can get to me and I give him and try to get him to stop but I am going to try really hard to stick to my guns and not give in even though it is hard.
Also, he just saw his developmental pediatrician and she gave me a referral for him to start receiving independent speech therapy (aside from what he is receiving at school). He has an evaluation next Friday. I am pretty happy about this because I have been trying for awhile to get him into speech but always got the run around.
His thyroid tests also came back and his levels are fine and she just wants to see him in 6 months. That is good news but now we just need to work on this behavior.
Things have been hard lately. My grandma just passed away. It still doesn't really seem like shes gone. She shattered her hip last month and had to have emergency surgery. After that she got an infection and passed away from that. My sister and I saw her the day before she died and after. I really hope she heard me. I loved her. She was such a strong women. She raised 9 kids all by herself. Needless to say she had a lot of grandkids and great grandkids. She never forgot an important moment in any of our lives. She will be truly missed and I will always remember her. Her memorial is tomorrow at the cemetery and then on Sunday we are going to have a family get together in her honor. Tomorrow is going to be hard..I love you grandma!!! <3<3
Rest in peace
Jeanne Louise Ihde
April 2,1933-April 29,2011
Devyn is doing good in school. Still not eating a lot. He has been eating less actually. Since he has been going to school and getting up early he doesn't eat breakfast most of the time. At lunch (at school) he only eats a few snacks. Then he never eats dinner so we have to resort to a bowl of cereal. I keep trying to get him to eat. But, he has become very aggressive. He has been up and down with that. He likes to throw his food now. He has also started to hit and kick a lot. He has slapped me quite a few times in the fast few weeks. It is like this hitting popped out of nowhere. He has only hit me in the face once and that was a long time ago. The throwing is getting out of control too. He throws anything he sees! Most of the time it is when he is frustrated and he isn't getting what he wants. I'm trying to use firm direction but it is quite hard. I hope these phases of his eating and hitting go away soon!!
He is doing really good when first and then is used (his teacher told me). I have been using this a lot when I'm trying to talk to him. The other day he wanted something and I said first diaper then so and so (I cant exactly remember what it was). But, of course he had a fit and started throwing things so I put him in time out. He was crying and sitting there for awhile and then all of a sudden says first diaper! I was shocked and happy! I hope he really is understanding. It made me happy and I cried a little! heh. Sometimes the hitting and throwing can get to me and I give him and try to get him to stop but I am going to try really hard to stick to my guns and not give in even though it is hard.
Also, he just saw his developmental pediatrician and she gave me a referral for him to start receiving independent speech therapy (aside from what he is receiving at school). He has an evaluation next Friday. I am pretty happy about this because I have been trying for awhile to get him into speech but always got the run around.
His thyroid tests also came back and his levels are fine and she just wants to see him in 6 months. That is good news but now we just need to work on this behavior.
Things have been hard lately. My grandma just passed away. It still doesn't really seem like shes gone. She shattered her hip last month and had to have emergency surgery. After that she got an infection and passed away from that. My sister and I saw her the day before she died and after. I really hope she heard me. I loved her. She was such a strong women. She raised 9 kids all by herself. Needless to say she had a lot of grandkids and great grandkids. She never forgot an important moment in any of our lives. She will be truly missed and I will always remember her. Her memorial is tomorrow at the cemetery and then on Sunday we are going to have a family get together in her honor. Tomorrow is going to be hard..I love you grandma!!! <3<3
Rest in peace
Jeanne Louise Ihde
April 2,1933-April 29,2011
Tuesday, April 12, 2011
losing my sanity.
Devyn has been driving me crazy lately. He is on a trial off his thyroid medication right now. Since he has been off his medication I have noticed that he is way more aggressive and violent. Especially towards autumn. He will NOT listen to me at all. All he does is just whine and whine and whine. I feel like I'm having a nervous breakdown. I have a lot of personal stuff going on as well and I have tried everything with him and nothing is working. I find myself yelling at him a lot now. I just cant get through to him. Since he has started preschool I haven't noticed an improvement in anything yet. I'm slowly losing hope. I just need a break. But I know that isn't possible.
He gets his blood drawn this weekend to test his thyroid levels so if they are off then that might contribute to the cause of his behavior. So, we will know in a few weeks.
I just feel like a horrible mom. I always try to be calm and gentle with him. But, now I just get so irritated. I cant have any time to myself. I feel so lost. I just need like 5 minutes to BREATHE.
:(
He gets his blood drawn this weekend to test his thyroid levels so if they are off then that might contribute to the cause of his behavior. So, we will know in a few weeks.
I just feel like a horrible mom. I always try to be calm and gentle with him. But, now I just get so irritated. I cant have any time to myself. I feel so lost. I just need like 5 minutes to BREATHE.
:(
Saturday, March 19, 2011
update
Devyn started preschool! He started on March 10th, picture day! haha. I took a bunch of pics of him on his first day. But, of course I dont have them on this computer. I need to start uploading pictures! Anywho, so far so good. No bad reports from his teachers. He started taking the bus last week too. The first day of him taking the bus was kinda horrible..he wouldnt get me put him in his seat so my husband had to do it. He was screaming of course, but by the second day the bus driver said he is a very good bus rider! It is so different not having him around. I am able to get more things done and quicker of course..But, by the time D gets home he takes a nap because he is so tired from school then he usually doesnt wake up till 5. I feel like I barely see him anymore. It kind of makes me sad..Autumn always looks for him too.
I really hope him going to school will help. I just hope one day I can have an actual conversation with him.
They had their birthday party last week. It went pretty well!! He only had a couple meltdowns..I told my family I didnt want to sing the happy birthday song because he hates it and cries when people sing it loudly. They of course started singing it and he was crying so bad..it was sad. But, he got over it pretty quick. It was a good turn out. His therapists said they would come but they didnt end up coming..and didnt really tell me they were so that kind of hurt me..but oh well.
Anywho, nothing really new besides that.
Today we went to the Irvine Regional Park. I love that park! it is so nice! D had a new play group there at the zoo. Not many people showed up for the play group but it was still fun! We will have to go to that park more often. They have a lot of things to do there.
I really hope him going to school will help. I just hope one day I can have an actual conversation with him.
They had their birthday party last week. It went pretty well!! He only had a couple meltdowns..I told my family I didnt want to sing the happy birthday song because he hates it and cries when people sing it loudly. They of course started singing it and he was crying so bad..it was sad. But, he got over it pretty quick. It was a good turn out. His therapists said they would come but they didnt end up coming..and didnt really tell me they were so that kind of hurt me..but oh well.
Anywho, nothing really new besides that.
Today we went to the Irvine Regional Park. I love that park! it is so nice! D had a new play group there at the zoo. Not many people showed up for the play group but it was still fun! We will have to go to that park more often. They have a lot of things to do there.
Thursday, March 3, 2011
my little D
I haven't posted in a bit..
but the play group went great! Devyn started his new OT a few weeks ago and they have swings there. That was a number one thing that D hates at the playground!! But, he went on some of the swings there. He must of liked them because we went to his playgroup and he ran up to the swings and said up please up please! He was swinging all by himself for like 20 minutes! He is also using a little big more language. His favorite thing to say now is not yet..to everything! haha..oh, and no of course!
Today was Devyn's last day of ABA therapy with his therapist Jamie. It was sad..I of course was kind of sad..was tearing up at the end. Of course I shed a few tears when she left. I took some pics and a little video. Poor Devyn doesn't understand the whole concept of her leaving and not coming back..that is why I was so sad for the most part.
Gosh, things are going to change a lot in the next couple of weeks. Devyn has been getting therapy services since he was like 20 months..Now, nobody will be coming over and Devyn will be starting pre-school soon and he will be doing all his therapy at the school.
Onto the next subject..we had Devyn's IEP meeting on Monday. It went well, it was longer than i thought it would be. Anywho, I read the report so I pretty much already knew what to expect. The report made me a little sad..pretty much stated how Devyn is pretty delayed in communication, etc. Gosh, he is so smart though. He does great at matching and naming object and animals, etc. He can count to ten and he knows his abc's. Anyway, they said they want to put him in the 'success' class. It is the class I wanted him to be in. It is a smaller class and more individualized. He will be going to school M, T, TH, F from 8:35-1:35. He also got ABA therapy, OT, and speech therapy services, which they take him out of class for and bring him back. He will also be taking the bus, which I'm pretty nervous about. I wish I could take him everyday..but, we only have one car right now and it would be pretty difficult to do that every day. I'm gong to be so lonely! Well, of course I have Autumn!! but she has been sleeping a lot during the day lately..
We went to another Autism night at Pretend city on Monday night. It was really fun!! Devyn actually did more than just drive around in the cars! He played in the art studio, the theater, the beach, the play house, the construction site area..I still couldn't get him to play in the pretend Ralph's grocery store though. So I took Autumn instead hah. I think Devyn loves the art studio the best, he even made some paintings!!! He didnt even freak out at all when he got paint on his hands!
I think he really is making a little big of improvement! Especially with his sensory issues. I think his ASD playgroup and monthly Pretend City trips are really helping him!
I think that is all for now..
Tomorrow is Devyn's last day of aba therapy with his therapist Kris. Its his last day altogether. AH! so sad..I bet I will tear up again..like today! I'm such a big baby. I invited his therapists to his and Autumn's birthday party. I hope they come. Devyn would be so excited!
My next post will be about D starting pre-school...awwww..my baby is growing up! He will be 3 on Monday and Autumn will be 1 on Tuesday..CRAZYYYYY!! Then their birthday is next Sunday..I hope it is a success!!
I love my babies! <3
but the play group went great! Devyn started his new OT a few weeks ago and they have swings there. That was a number one thing that D hates at the playground!! But, he went on some of the swings there. He must of liked them because we went to his playgroup and he ran up to the swings and said up please up please! He was swinging all by himself for like 20 minutes! He is also using a little big more language. His favorite thing to say now is not yet..to everything! haha..oh, and no of course!
Today was Devyn's last day of ABA therapy with his therapist Jamie. It was sad..I of course was kind of sad..was tearing up at the end. Of course I shed a few tears when she left. I took some pics and a little video. Poor Devyn doesn't understand the whole concept of her leaving and not coming back..that is why I was so sad for the most part.
Gosh, things are going to change a lot in the next couple of weeks. Devyn has been getting therapy services since he was like 20 months..Now, nobody will be coming over and Devyn will be starting pre-school soon and he will be doing all his therapy at the school.
Onto the next subject..we had Devyn's IEP meeting on Monday. It went well, it was longer than i thought it would be. Anywho, I read the report so I pretty much already knew what to expect. The report made me a little sad..pretty much stated how Devyn is pretty delayed in communication, etc. Gosh, he is so smart though. He does great at matching and naming object and animals, etc. He can count to ten and he knows his abc's. Anyway, they said they want to put him in the 'success' class. It is the class I wanted him to be in. It is a smaller class and more individualized. He will be going to school M, T, TH, F from 8:35-1:35. He also got ABA therapy, OT, and speech therapy services, which they take him out of class for and bring him back. He will also be taking the bus, which I'm pretty nervous about. I wish I could take him everyday..but, we only have one car right now and it would be pretty difficult to do that every day. I'm gong to be so lonely! Well, of course I have Autumn!! but she has been sleeping a lot during the day lately..
We went to another Autism night at Pretend city on Monday night. It was really fun!! Devyn actually did more than just drive around in the cars! He played in the art studio, the theater, the beach, the play house, the construction site area..I still couldn't get him to play in the pretend Ralph's grocery store though. So I took Autumn instead hah. I think Devyn loves the art studio the best, he even made some paintings!!! He didnt even freak out at all when he got paint on his hands!
I think he really is making a little big of improvement! Especially with his sensory issues. I think his ASD playgroup and monthly Pretend City trips are really helping him!
I think that is all for now..
Tomorrow is Devyn's last day of aba therapy with his therapist Kris. Its his last day altogether. AH! so sad..I bet I will tear up again..like today! I'm such a big baby. I invited his therapists to his and Autumn's birthday party. I hope they come. Devyn would be so excited!
My next post will be about D starting pre-school...awwww..my baby is growing up! He will be 3 on Monday and Autumn will be 1 on Tuesday..CRAZYYYYY!! Then their birthday is next Sunday..I hope it is a success!!
I love my babies! <3
Wednesday, February 16, 2011
Devyn is turning 3 soon and that means his aba therapy will end! I'm sure I'll cry or something! haha. He loves them and the saddest part is that he wont even understand that it will be the last time he will see them. He will just say Bye, See you..just like any other session ending. So sad..
But, he will be starting preschool soon! I'm pretty nervous because he has been extremely aggressive lately. Pushing and kicking autumn alllll the time, a lot more meltdowns, sleep issues, feeding issues as usual. We went to a little valentines day party my friend hosted. About 7 or so kids were there and Devyn was just in his own little world. He ignored all the kids the majority of the time. He has an obsession with bins and he will push them around the house and put anything he can find in them and dump everything out and put everything back in. He will do that over and over again and when the kids tried to play with him he would try to push them down. He even got into a fight with another kid. We had to leave early because he kept having meltdowns. Not a good night. :(
I don't know what I'm going to do with myself while Devyn is at school. I'm not sure what the hours will be yet because we haven't gone to his IEP meeting yet..but I'm going to be so bored and lonely!!! haha. I'm going to miss my little crazy man..
Devyn has another play group on saturday! I hope it doesnt rain!!!
But, he will be starting preschool soon! I'm pretty nervous because he has been extremely aggressive lately. Pushing and kicking autumn alllll the time, a lot more meltdowns, sleep issues, feeding issues as usual. We went to a little valentines day party my friend hosted. About 7 or so kids were there and Devyn was just in his own little world. He ignored all the kids the majority of the time. He has an obsession with bins and he will push them around the house and put anything he can find in them and dump everything out and put everything back in. He will do that over and over again and when the kids tried to play with him he would try to push them down. He even got into a fight with another kid. We had to leave early because he kept having meltdowns. Not a good night. :(
I don't know what I'm going to do with myself while Devyn is at school. I'm not sure what the hours will be yet because we haven't gone to his IEP meeting yet..but I'm going to be so bored and lonely!!! haha. I'm going to miss my little crazy man..
Devyn has another play group on saturday! I hope it doesnt rain!!!
Thursday, February 10, 2011
update!
last update i made was about pretend city..it was fun!
it was actually really cool. turns out they are going to start having this event every month. so, im hoping we can take d every month. i think he had a lot of fun. but, i dont think he understood a lot of it. he doesnt do a whole lot of pretend play. he does with a few things. but he didnt understand a lot of it. i was trying to interact with him and i was trying to get him to get involved but he was really concentrating on the cars. he just wanted to ride around in the cars. after about an hour doing that i actually got him to go play in the sand at the pretend beach. he also played in the little pre-school. the ladies loved him in there! he was so obsessed with this car that the kids made. they made it with tin foil, boxes, buttons, glitter, etc. but so weird...once we got home..he took it to his room and was playing with it. then the next minute it is completely destroyed! he literally destroyed it to bits! ill have to upload pictures soon.
i want to get him more pretend play toys for his birthday coming up.
like a pretend kitchen, play food, shopping cart, etc. still not sure what to get autumn. she has a lot of toys.
i decided to have a little party for them. i just want to keep it simple and small. but im creative so there has to be a theme..and im making cupcakes! haha. im not sure who to invite though..i want it to be small. but i feel like if i dont invite people they might get offended...i dont know. its hard because i want to celebrate but i dont want devyn to get upset.
anywho, devyn finally finished all his assessments. next, we have our IEP meeting on the 28th to discuss the results of the assessments then they will tell us what class they think fits him best. i hope he gets into the one i want him too. we will see! it will be a big adjustment for him...but i hope he does okay!
it was actually really cool. turns out they are going to start having this event every month. so, im hoping we can take d every month. i think he had a lot of fun. but, i dont think he understood a lot of it. he doesnt do a whole lot of pretend play. he does with a few things. but he didnt understand a lot of it. i was trying to interact with him and i was trying to get him to get involved but he was really concentrating on the cars. he just wanted to ride around in the cars. after about an hour doing that i actually got him to go play in the sand at the pretend beach. he also played in the little pre-school. the ladies loved him in there! he was so obsessed with this car that the kids made. they made it with tin foil, boxes, buttons, glitter, etc. but so weird...once we got home..he took it to his room and was playing with it. then the next minute it is completely destroyed! he literally destroyed it to bits! ill have to upload pictures soon.
i want to get him more pretend play toys for his birthday coming up.
like a pretend kitchen, play food, shopping cart, etc. still not sure what to get autumn. she has a lot of toys.
i decided to have a little party for them. i just want to keep it simple and small. but im creative so there has to be a theme..and im making cupcakes! haha. im not sure who to invite though..i want it to be small. but i feel like if i dont invite people they might get offended...i dont know. its hard because i want to celebrate but i dont want devyn to get upset.
anywho, devyn finally finished all his assessments. next, we have our IEP meeting on the 28th to discuss the results of the assessments then they will tell us what class they think fits him best. i hope he gets into the one i want him too. we will see! it will be a big adjustment for him...but i hope he does okay!
Monday, January 31, 2011
i havent updated in awhile.
but i guess these past few weeks have been fairly busy. devyn has started all his assessments for pre-school. last week he had his hearing&vision screening, pre-academic and speech&language assessments. he didnt want to cooperate for the hearing and vision screening. he was crying and screaming the whole time. i think he was just getting freaked out because it was a very very tiny room..and i think he was deathly afraid of the guy trying to give him the test. oh, and they put headphones on him so that made him upset as well.
we are going to try one more time on wed to do that test, otherwise, we will have to take him somewhere else to have it done.
the other assessments went okay. he has two more this week. then next week he starts ot. then later this week we have his iep meeting, lab appointments.
next month - endo appt, d starts pre-school, and the kids' birthday!
gosh, i feel like im going nuts. i just want to stop and breathe. unfortunately, i cannot do that!
i have no idea what im going to do for the kids' birthdays. i want to have a party but then i dont. d has so many needs and he hates everything having to do with parties. besides the cake, OF COURSE. and its autumn's first birthday. i would feel bad if we dont do anything.
i dont know...blah!
i just want to go on vacation before i go insane. i do know that. haha
anyway, tonight we are going to a special autism event at pretend city. its this theme park type place that has everything pretend. hope d has fun. and its in the same city as us so im hoping d can make some friends! i just hope he doesnt have any meltdowns..ive reached my limit today! :(
but i guess these past few weeks have been fairly busy. devyn has started all his assessments for pre-school. last week he had his hearing&vision screening, pre-academic and speech&language assessments. he didnt want to cooperate for the hearing and vision screening. he was crying and screaming the whole time. i think he was just getting freaked out because it was a very very tiny room..and i think he was deathly afraid of the guy trying to give him the test. oh, and they put headphones on him so that made him upset as well.
we are going to try one more time on wed to do that test, otherwise, we will have to take him somewhere else to have it done.
the other assessments went okay. he has two more this week. then next week he starts ot. then later this week we have his iep meeting, lab appointments.
next month - endo appt, d starts pre-school, and the kids' birthday!
gosh, i feel like im going nuts. i just want to stop and breathe. unfortunately, i cannot do that!
i have no idea what im going to do for the kids' birthdays. i want to have a party but then i dont. d has so many needs and he hates everything having to do with parties. besides the cake, OF COURSE. and its autumn's first birthday. i would feel bad if we dont do anything.
i dont know...blah!
i just want to go on vacation before i go insane. i do know that. haha
anyway, tonight we are going to a special autism event at pretend city. its this theme park type place that has everything pretend. hope d has fun. and its in the same city as us so im hoping d can make some friends! i just hope he doesnt have any meltdowns..ive reached my limit today! :(
Friday, January 21, 2011
EGGS!
DEVYN EATS EGGS NOW! only with toast..not by themselves. but still! so proud of him. he is soooooo picky. they opened up a feeding program in his therapy sessions. at first he wouldnt even put them to his mouth (they try to get him to put food to his mouth so he can tolerate it). Then he spit them out and didnt want anything to do with them. But, then we tried using a reinforcer. something he really likes to try to get him to eat the eggs. he actually ate all the eggs! you have to put them on toast though or else he wont eat them. better than nothing though! im so proud of him...yay..another source of protein! and the second time he tried them i didnt even have to use another food to get him to eat the eggs! he just ate them with the toast! lets just hope he keeps it up and doesnt forget that he likes eggs haha...
Wednesday, January 19, 2011
so tired.
These past few days have been pretty difficult for devyn. He just cannot sleep! he has been going to bed at midnight or later and still wakes up early. No naps either. He actually did take a nap today but woke up because he had a night terror. I held him and he finally stopped screaming and crying and fell asleep on me.
He has been really rough with autumn lately too. Like really rough. Yesterday they were playing he he full on picked her up and threw her! Then later we were playing with his trains and he got so overwhelmed and just threw the whole train set.
Gosh, I am just so tired. His behaviors are getting really hard to deal with. Chris and I are supposed to take those classes..but now im thinking only one of us will be able to go or we will have to switch off because we dont have a sitter. Which makes me kind of sad because I want both of us to be there together and learning everything..I wish somebody would help us with that! ah.
He has been really rough with autumn lately too. Like really rough. Yesterday they were playing he he full on picked her up and threw her! Then later we were playing with his trains and he got so overwhelmed and just threw the whole train set.
Gosh, I am just so tired. His behaviors are getting really hard to deal with. Chris and I are supposed to take those classes..but now im thinking only one of us will be able to go or we will have to switch off because we dont have a sitter. Which makes me kind of sad because I want both of us to be there together and learning everything..I wish somebody would help us with that! ah.
Monday, January 17, 2011
well, well, well,...
i havent written since friday.woops.
Saturday- Devyn had his ASD playgroup! he had a blast. this was his second time going and everyone was excited to see him. i feel so welcomed there! makes me happy. the therapists there are so helpful! they did activities and devyn actually participated! they made little flags! SO CUTE! he actually sat down and colored on it and we decorated it together. ill have to post pictures later because i have them on my phone.
no meltdowns at all really. at first we had a little trouble because he saw the candy in the vending machines and he wouldnt walk away from them! he just stood in the corner. but with the help of the therapist we got him to join in on the fun. such an exhausting day though. it was SO HOT..and we were outside for most of the time. so we had a good time, and didnt try to jump in the lake this time! so thats a plus. haha. i took him by myself this time and chris stayed home with the baby. i thought devyn would be so tired and would pass out when we got home..but nope! haha. other than that we just did some shopping.
Sunday- we just lounged around all day and our friends came over to hang out for a bit. we watched some episodes of dead like me and the kids played. devyn actually knows his little friends name now and can recognize her and say her name. he was saying chlowee chlowee chlowee like the whole time. so cute. heh.
Saturday- Devyn had his ASD playgroup! he had a blast. this was his second time going and everyone was excited to see him. i feel so welcomed there! makes me happy. the therapists there are so helpful! they did activities and devyn actually participated! they made little flags! SO CUTE! he actually sat down and colored on it and we decorated it together. ill have to post pictures later because i have them on my phone.
no meltdowns at all really. at first we had a little trouble because he saw the candy in the vending machines and he wouldnt walk away from them! he just stood in the corner. but with the help of the therapist we got him to join in on the fun. such an exhausting day though. it was SO HOT..and we were outside for most of the time. so we had a good time, and didnt try to jump in the lake this time! so thats a plus. haha. i took him by myself this time and chris stayed home with the baby. i thought devyn would be so tired and would pass out when we got home..but nope! haha. other than that we just did some shopping.
Sunday- we just lounged around all day and our friends came over to hang out for a bit. we watched some episodes of dead like me and the kids played. devyn actually knows his little friends name now and can recognize her and say her name. he was saying chlowee chlowee chlowee like the whole time. so cute. heh.
Friday, January 14, 2011
:D
I am getting motivated! yay!
I applied for some jobs today. Spruced up my cover letter, resume and reference page. They look pretty darn good! Gosh, I hope I get a call back about this one job specifically. Its in patient relations at a hospital. I REALLY need this. I need a confidence boost.
Anywho, devyn had double session today. He has been grumpy all day. They have really been pushing his feeding program. He got so upset that he was practically hyperventilating because he didn't want to even put the food to his mouth. His therapist tried spaghetti that I made him. I wish he would try to eat! :[ They are going to continue to try with him though. Besides his feeding outburst he did pretty good in session. Both kids are sleeping now.
Tomorrow he has his ASD playdate. Its his second playgroup. Hopefully he will be excited and might want to participate. I get so happy watching him interact with other kids. Its a good experience for him! :)
I applied for some jobs today. Spruced up my cover letter, resume and reference page. They look pretty darn good! Gosh, I hope I get a call back about this one job specifically. Its in patient relations at a hospital. I REALLY need this. I need a confidence boost.
Anywho, devyn had double session today. He has been grumpy all day. They have really been pushing his feeding program. He got so upset that he was practically hyperventilating because he didn't want to even put the food to his mouth. His therapist tried spaghetti that I made him. I wish he would try to eat! :[ They are going to continue to try with him though. Besides his feeding outburst he did pretty good in session. Both kids are sleeping now.
Tomorrow he has his ASD playdate. Its his second playgroup. Hopefully he will be excited and might want to participate. I get so happy watching him interact with other kids. Its a good experience for him! :)
Thursday, January 13, 2011
So, we filed our taxes last night. got back more than i thought. chris found out they weren't taking out federal so we thought we would owe. but we got money back. enough to pay off the car! so excited..no more car payment! YAY! one less thing to worry about every month!
both kids are taking naps right now so im free to do whatever. which isnt much..obviously. haha.
devyn has been doing so good eating his lunch lately. he pretty much eats his lunch every day now. and hes napping! well today at least. haha.
i better take a shower though before the kids wake up..which is soon im sure! its always nice to squeeze a shower in once in awhile! haha.
both kids are taking naps right now so im free to do whatever. which isnt much..obviously. haha.
devyn has been doing so good eating his lunch lately. he pretty much eats his lunch every day now. and hes napping! well today at least. haha.
i better take a shower though before the kids wake up..which is soon im sure! its always nice to squeeze a shower in once in awhile! haha.
Wednesday, January 12, 2011
VENT..
Usually I dont post a blog early in the day like this..but this has been bugging me!
I have been off and on trying to find a job since Devyn was born. NO LUCK. I did stop for a while and continue after Autumn was born. I had three interviews..no luck. I get the impression that because I have been a stay at home mom and haven't worked in the workforce lately that nobody wants to hire me. I have even applied for retail jobs with no luck! I have a college degree, have been independent and worked full-time before I had kids. WHY WONT ANYBODY GIVE ME A CHANCE? I feel hopeless. I just want to feel like a person again. Dont get me wrong..I love being a mom. But, I just want to do something for me for a change! I like feeling productive. I wish I could focus on me for once. But, I'm beginning to think that will never happen.
I have been off and on trying to find a job since Devyn was born. NO LUCK. I did stop for a while and continue after Autumn was born. I had three interviews..no luck. I get the impression that because I have been a stay at home mom and haven't worked in the workforce lately that nobody wants to hire me. I have even applied for retail jobs with no luck! I have a college degree, have been independent and worked full-time before I had kids. WHY WONT ANYBODY GIVE ME A CHANCE? I feel hopeless. I just want to feel like a person again. Dont get me wrong..I love being a mom. But, I just want to do something for me for a change! I like feeling productive. I wish I could focus on me for once. But, I'm beginning to think that will never happen.
Tuesday, January 11, 2011
Devyn's behaviors were pretty bad today. He had double session today. Whenever he has double session, his behaviors get a little bad. He had a lot of meltdowns during sessions. I sat in on both for a little bit of time. Autumn kept getting into all his stuff during his first session so we had to go out in the living room. It made me sad kind of thinking that in 2 months his services will most likely end and he will start preschool. I wonder how he will react with a change. No more therapy and starting preschool without me there. I hope he will do okay. He doesn't really like to participate in activities so I'm anxious about how he will react in that type of situation.
He has been pushing and hitting autumn all day! I think his jealousy is getting worse. He wont even let her play with her toys most of the time! They were supposed to open a program for him to play with autumn appropriately during therapy. But, they haven't really worked much with that program...even though I always mention it! Guess I'll have to mention it again.
Anyway, all I did today was clean and clean. AS USUAL. Gosh, it seems like thats all i ever do!!! Picked up the house and cleaned the kitchen....so tiring. I want to make some coffee right now but I probably wont be able to sleep if I do.
Anywho, here are some pictures I took of the kids today when we were just playing around..
He has been pushing and hitting autumn all day! I think his jealousy is getting worse. He wont even let her play with her toys most of the time! They were supposed to open a program for him to play with autumn appropriately during therapy. But, they haven't really worked much with that program...even though I always mention it! Guess I'll have to mention it again.
Anyway, all I did today was clean and clean. AS USUAL. Gosh, it seems like thats all i ever do!!! Picked up the house and cleaned the kitchen....so tiring. I want to make some coffee right now but I probably wont be able to sleep if I do.
Anywho, here are some pictures I took of the kids today when we were just playing around..
Monday, January 10, 2011
Another uneventful day!
Chris took the day off so we could take devyn to his follow up appt at 4OCKids today. I thought it was a follow up with the developmental pediatrician but it was with a NP. She just went over the SEEPAC classes with her. She is one of the teachers I guess. She was telling me that we should have a private meeting with her before our sons IEP meeting. She wants to go over the whole IEP process with us and tell us things we need to know i guess. Devyn had a meltdown when they tried to check his blood pressure, weight, AND height. He was screaming bloody murder the WHOLE time. It was sad, afterwards he was like ALL DONE! poor guy. I dont think they got accurate stats though, he kept moving and he was jumping up and down on the scale. But according to their stats he was 38 1/4 inches and 37lbs. Pretty sure he is not 37 lbs. I'm going to double check both...if he will let me! haha.
Other than that, we just came back and ate lunch. Then we took a walk to the park and played in the leaves most of the time. D was playing with a few older kids. It was pretty cute. They were running all over the field, collecting leaves and putting them in a pile. Then they would jump in it and run around and chase each other. Its cute to watch him play with other kids. It was so funny. A little girl there was looking at my arms and said "where did you get that big stamp on your arm?"
I was cracking up!
oh kids!
I thought the kids would pass out when we got home from the park. but....NOPE!!!
They are asleep now though.
I dont know why I have never done this before, but I started to record all our finances in excel. Usually I just write everything down in this book I have. But, this is wayyy easier. Gosh, things have been SOOO tough since chris got that pay cut. His paychecks will be back to normal starting on the 28th of this month. But, friday is still going to be wayyyy low. NOT GOOD. We will literally have no money left after bills and food and what not. SUCKS.
I really wish I could work and contribute right now..but I cant. Sometimes it makes me feel like less of a person...I hope I can get out of this mindset. I dont like feeling like this. :(
Chris took the day off so we could take devyn to his follow up appt at 4OCKids today. I thought it was a follow up with the developmental pediatrician but it was with a NP. She just went over the SEEPAC classes with her. She is one of the teachers I guess. She was telling me that we should have a private meeting with her before our sons IEP meeting. She wants to go over the whole IEP process with us and tell us things we need to know i guess. Devyn had a meltdown when they tried to check his blood pressure, weight, AND height. He was screaming bloody murder the WHOLE time. It was sad, afterwards he was like ALL DONE! poor guy. I dont think they got accurate stats though, he kept moving and he was jumping up and down on the scale. But according to their stats he was 38 1/4 inches and 37lbs. Pretty sure he is not 37 lbs. I'm going to double check both...if he will let me! haha.
Other than that, we just came back and ate lunch. Then we took a walk to the park and played in the leaves most of the time. D was playing with a few older kids. It was pretty cute. They were running all over the field, collecting leaves and putting them in a pile. Then they would jump in it and run around and chase each other. Its cute to watch him play with other kids. It was so funny. A little girl there was looking at my arms and said "where did you get that big stamp on your arm?"
I was cracking up!
oh kids!
I thought the kids would pass out when we got home from the park. but....NOPE!!!
They are asleep now though.
I dont know why I have never done this before, but I started to record all our finances in excel. Usually I just write everything down in this book I have. But, this is wayyy easier. Gosh, things have been SOOO tough since chris got that pay cut. His paychecks will be back to normal starting on the 28th of this month. But, friday is still going to be wayyyy low. NOT GOOD. We will literally have no money left after bills and food and what not. SUCKS.
I really wish I could work and contribute right now..but I cant. Sometimes it makes me feel like less of a person...I hope I can get out of this mindset. I dont like feeling like this. :(
Sunday, January 9, 2011
tireddd
so, last night when we got home from my aunts and uncles we decided to watch the walking dead. we watched about 4 or 5 episodes and didnt go to sleep till almost four. got up semi early...gosh, i am SOOOO TIRED. i should probably be sleeping right now.
anywho, today was a rather uneventful day.
we just lounged around the whole day for the most part. i was going to do some more laundry but i wasnt in the mood to walk all the way down to the laundry facilities.
my husband has the day off tomorrow. devyn has a follow-up appt with his developmental pediatrician. we will see how that goes. i have to remember to ask if we got approved to go to the SEEPAC classes. i hope we are because i think they will help us a lot. it has a 6 week course. one class a week. its a class for parents who have a child that was recently diagnosed with autism. should be interesting.
gosh, i would LOVE some coffee right about now!
anywho, today was a rather uneventful day.
we just lounged around the whole day for the most part. i was going to do some more laundry but i wasnt in the mood to walk all the way down to the laundry facilities.
my husband has the day off tomorrow. devyn has a follow-up appt with his developmental pediatrician. we will see how that goes. i have to remember to ask if we got approved to go to the SEEPAC classes. i hope we are because i think they will help us a lot. it has a 6 week course. one class a week. its a class for parents who have a child that was recently diagnosed with autism. should be interesting.
gosh, i would LOVE some coffee right about now!
HB
well today was a nice day.
we went over to my aunt and uncles house in Huntington Beach to do some laundry. we just hung out and ate dinner and watched some tv.
devyn and autumn love them and love going over. i appreciate the fact that somebody wants to see them at least. makes me feel happy even if its not my parents who want to see them.
devyn was okay the whole time pretty much. he had a small meltdown. but nothing big. he was eating like crazy. snacks of course. i almost got him to eat some meatloaf...but nope! of course not! haha. my aunt made cookies and devyn just ran around saying cookies? cookies? and was taking them off the counter. he is so funny.
they live like right around the corner from the beach. they made chris and i take a walk down there while they watched the kids. we werent gone very long but it was still nice to just sit there on the beach and relax a bit. we watched the sunset. here is a picture. :)
we went over to my aunt and uncles house in Huntington Beach to do some laundry. we just hung out and ate dinner and watched some tv.
devyn and autumn love them and love going over. i appreciate the fact that somebody wants to see them at least. makes me feel happy even if its not my parents who want to see them.
devyn was okay the whole time pretty much. he had a small meltdown. but nothing big. he was eating like crazy. snacks of course. i almost got him to eat some meatloaf...but nope! of course not! haha. my aunt made cookies and devyn just ran around saying cookies? cookies? and was taking them off the counter. he is so funny.
they live like right around the corner from the beach. they made chris and i take a walk down there while they watched the kids. we werent gone very long but it was still nice to just sit there on the beach and relax a bit. we watched the sunset. here is a picture. :)
Friday, January 7, 2011
so tiredddd
Devyn ended up going to sleep around midnight last night and he didnt wake up till 1030! pretty crazy..i didnt really get to sleep in late because autumn woke up. but i did have a chance to feed her and clean and even make coffee and watch some king of queens before devyn woke up! it was nice!
during session today we tried to get d to eat some chicken and rice. he licked it a few times but it was pretty much a no go. autumn was trying to attack it though.
now devyn is sleeping again!!!! i thought for sure since he slept late that he wouldnt take a nap but guess i was wrong! maybe he is trying to catch up on sleep now since he hasnt taken a nap in a longgggg time.
but, it has been a pretty non eventful day yet again.
just cleaned as usual. the place looks spotless for the most part. i would still be cleaning now if autumn was asleep..and if i wasnt sooo tired.
im still having sleep issues. couldnt fall asleep again last night.
i need to get some kind of sleep aid i think. i feel soooo tired every single day!
anyway, im glad its friday! even though we probably wont be doing much. just laundry...maybe go over to my aunts and uncles house to do that so we dont have to waste money. haha. but other than that...we will probably just lounge around.
during session today we tried to get d to eat some chicken and rice. he licked it a few times but it was pretty much a no go. autumn was trying to attack it though.
now devyn is sleeping again!!!! i thought for sure since he slept late that he wouldnt take a nap but guess i was wrong! maybe he is trying to catch up on sleep now since he hasnt taken a nap in a longgggg time.
but, it has been a pretty non eventful day yet again.
just cleaned as usual. the place looks spotless for the most part. i would still be cleaning now if autumn was asleep..and if i wasnt sooo tired.
im still having sleep issues. couldnt fall asleep again last night.
i need to get some kind of sleep aid i think. i feel soooo tired every single day!
anyway, im glad its friday! even though we probably wont be doing much. just laundry...maybe go over to my aunts and uncles house to do that so we dont have to waste money. haha. but other than that...we will probably just lounge around.
Thursday, January 6, 2011
:D
today has been a rather boring day so far. tried to catch up on autumn's babybook and scrapbook today. cleaned a little bit. that was pretty much it.
our friends are coming over later tonight with their child. her and d are little friends. so cute to watch them play.
then afterwards, my friend and i are going to go out for coffee!
some me time!
yay!
:)
our friends are coming over later tonight with their child. her and d are little friends. so cute to watch them play.
then afterwards, my friend and i are going to go out for coffee!
some me time!
yay!
:)
Wednesday, January 5, 2011
productive day!
im happy to say that im doing better today. im trying to put everything in the back of my mind though. which has helped me be less stressed today and im not worrying so much. ive just tried to keep myself busy all day. the kids have been more demanding as usual. well, i guess that is a semi lie because they are always pretty demanding. haha. but with them and cleaning non-stop..my day went by fast! man, i wish every single day was like this! i will try to keep this up.
non-stop cleaning every day for me! hah.
anywho, i sat in on devyn's session today. i try to sit in and bring autumn in there to watch his sessions and participate as much as i can. he had a relatively good session. he had a few short meltdowns and almost hit autumn a few times..but it was less than he usually does. i think his communication and understanding of things is getting a little better. i think he understands what sorry means. the other day he bumped my husband and said sorry :) it was pretty cute. i wish his therapy wouldnt end because i know its beneficial for him. he will be starting special education preschool in march though, so that will be good for him. if he gets into the class i want him to be, it will be individualized. but he will also have group time.
i finally got devyn's occupational therapy worked out today. it sure took long enough! he is able to go two times a week. but with everything going on right now and with having only one car, we decided to try just one day a week for an hour right now and then gradually do more hours a week. he loved it there when he had his evaluation. im hoping this will help with his sensory issues.
non-stop cleaning every day for me! hah.
anywho, i sat in on devyn's session today. i try to sit in and bring autumn in there to watch his sessions and participate as much as i can. he had a relatively good session. he had a few short meltdowns and almost hit autumn a few times..but it was less than he usually does. i think his communication and understanding of things is getting a little better. i think he understands what sorry means. the other day he bumped my husband and said sorry :) it was pretty cute. i wish his therapy wouldnt end because i know its beneficial for him. he will be starting special education preschool in march though, so that will be good for him. if he gets into the class i want him to be, it will be individualized. but he will also have group time.
i finally got devyn's occupational therapy worked out today. it sure took long enough! he is able to go two times a week. but with everything going on right now and with having only one car, we decided to try just one day a week for an hour right now and then gradually do more hours a week. he loved it there when he had his evaluation. im hoping this will help with his sensory issues.
Tuesday, January 4, 2011
so take my hand...lets walk away.
so i decided to cut all ties with my family. my sister said one too many horrible things to me today.
apparently, im not ALLOWED to grieve over my sons diagnosis.
people are so fucking ignorant. pardon my french. but that was the last straw. i will no longer associate with disgusting human beings like that again.
ANYWHO,
we went to the doctor today for autumn. she weights 20 lbs 9 oz and she is 27 inches tall. she is in the 50% for her weight and 25% for her height. my little shorty girl! :D but she is doing good. i talked to their doctor about everything on my list. she was due for two vaccines today. hep b and the flu shot. i decided to definitely not get the flu shot and delay the hep b. i just dont feel comfortable with her getting any vaccines right now. im not saying i think they cause autism..i just dont know what to make of it right now and cannot make a decision as to when i want her to get them right then. the dr reassured me that the hep b isnt necessary right now. and she can get it when she is four or 5. so that made things easier and put my mind at ease. she is also going to get her thyroid levels checked again just to make sure there isnt a problem with her thyroid too.
as for devyn, we went over the gf/cf diet. she said to go ahead and try it and see what happens. so we will try out that diet probably next month. of course im not putting much hope in it. because there ISNT a cure for autism. but it doesnt hurt to try right?
these last few days have been an emotional roller coast. i cant believe i actually thought my family would be supportive. how stupid of me. this is the last time i will ever think about doing that again..
from now on all i NEED to focus on is MY family. everything else is secondary.
ill end on this interesting little article that i saw posted on a message board group im apart of...
BY MIDLIFE ARMY WIFE, ON JANUARY 3RD, 2011
Dear Struggling Mom,
I heard your child all over the store. As I visited different areas of the store in search for the things on my list, I could hear him stimming. Loudly. I recognized it immediately. My heart immediately went out to you even though I hadn’t seen you yet. I knew that grocery shopping was probably not on your list of fun things to do today, let alone with your child in tow.
As I approached the checkout lanes, I saw you. You weren’t hard to find. He was about 5 years old, sitting in the front seat of the buggy as your daughter (6 or 7?) stood next to it. I wondered how many people were judging you thinking that your child was misbehaving as he squirmed, kicked, and yelled from his place in the buggy. I know I once would have. Before I was a parent. Before I was a parent of a special needs child. I wondered how many people avoided getting in that lane behind you, but I just felt like I needed to choose that lane. I ended up behind you with one person in between us. My heart broke as I saw the tired, worn out look on your face. You had a buggy full of groceries, which meant you had been there a while. I have no doubt you were ready to get out of the store and on your way home.
I looked down and saw a small tennis shoe under the buggy of the lady in front of me. She had no kids. I looked forward at your son’s feet – yep! Missing a shoe. I picked it up and handed it to you, and you just smiled and said thanks.
I watched as you tenderly put the shoe back on his foot. Then, as you turned your back and he continued to kick, off it came again. Not wanting to interfere too much, I waited to see if you caught it. You did. Once again, you tenderly put it back on his feet.
As you were waiting to pay, he suddenly went into an outburst getting much louder, and hitting himself in the head with his fists. You so gently reached over and stroked his arms and spoke calmly to him. I had tears in my eyes as I watched how you cared for him with love. You didn’t grab him or yell at him or try to “make him behave”. You just comforted him and tried to make him feel safe.
I saw you paying with a WIC card, and your behavior it impressed me even more. I don’t know if you are married or a single mom, but obviously money is tight. Money issues, and dealing with a child with special needs can take a lot out of you. I don’t know how you felt on the inside, but on the outside, you were not taking it out on your kids.
I wanted to help. So badly, I wanted to help. I didn’t know what to do. You don’t know me, so it’s not like I could offer to take your kids for the afternoon. I couldn’t afford to buy that buggy full of groceries for you.
So, I used all I had. My words.
I didn’t know what to say. Everything I said in my head sounded silly.
I hoped you didn’t think I was interfering, but I had to say something, so I walked up and touched you on the shoulder and prayed for God to give me the words to speak as I said,
“Can I just tell you that you are doing an awesome job with your kids? I know it’s not the same, but I have a daughter with Asperger’s and I know it can be stressful. The way you speak to your children and the way you have been handling him shows how much you love him.”
With tears in your eyes, you replied with “Thank you, that means so much!”. We gave each other a knowing glance, and parted ways.
I wish I could have done more. But the tears in your eyes told me that I had done something.
I learned from you too. You reminded me how important it is to put our children’s needs first. Not to worry about what the other people in the store think. It doesn’t matter. What matters is that our kids know we love them unconditionally just as they are.
apparently, im not ALLOWED to grieve over my sons diagnosis.
people are so fucking ignorant. pardon my french. but that was the last straw. i will no longer associate with disgusting human beings like that again.
ANYWHO,
we went to the doctor today for autumn. she weights 20 lbs 9 oz and she is 27 inches tall. she is in the 50% for her weight and 25% for her height. my little shorty girl! :D but she is doing good. i talked to their doctor about everything on my list. she was due for two vaccines today. hep b and the flu shot. i decided to definitely not get the flu shot and delay the hep b. i just dont feel comfortable with her getting any vaccines right now. im not saying i think they cause autism..i just dont know what to make of it right now and cannot make a decision as to when i want her to get them right then. the dr reassured me that the hep b isnt necessary right now. and she can get it when she is four or 5. so that made things easier and put my mind at ease. she is also going to get her thyroid levels checked again just to make sure there isnt a problem with her thyroid too.
as for devyn, we went over the gf/cf diet. she said to go ahead and try it and see what happens. so we will try out that diet probably next month. of course im not putting much hope in it. because there ISNT a cure for autism. but it doesnt hurt to try right?
these last few days have been an emotional roller coast. i cant believe i actually thought my family would be supportive. how stupid of me. this is the last time i will ever think about doing that again..
from now on all i NEED to focus on is MY family. everything else is secondary.
ill end on this interesting little article that i saw posted on a message board group im apart of...
BY MIDLIFE ARMY WIFE, ON JANUARY 3RD, 2011
Dear Struggling Mom,
I heard your child all over the store. As I visited different areas of the store in search for the things on my list, I could hear him stimming. Loudly. I recognized it immediately. My heart immediately went out to you even though I hadn’t seen you yet. I knew that grocery shopping was probably not on your list of fun things to do today, let alone with your child in tow.
As I approached the checkout lanes, I saw you. You weren’t hard to find. He was about 5 years old, sitting in the front seat of the buggy as your daughter (6 or 7?) stood next to it. I wondered how many people were judging you thinking that your child was misbehaving as he squirmed, kicked, and yelled from his place in the buggy. I know I once would have. Before I was a parent. Before I was a parent of a special needs child. I wondered how many people avoided getting in that lane behind you, but I just felt like I needed to choose that lane. I ended up behind you with one person in between us. My heart broke as I saw the tired, worn out look on your face. You had a buggy full of groceries, which meant you had been there a while. I have no doubt you were ready to get out of the store and on your way home.
I looked down and saw a small tennis shoe under the buggy of the lady in front of me. She had no kids. I looked forward at your son’s feet – yep! Missing a shoe. I picked it up and handed it to you, and you just smiled and said thanks.
I watched as you tenderly put the shoe back on his foot. Then, as you turned your back and he continued to kick, off it came again. Not wanting to interfere too much, I waited to see if you caught it. You did. Once again, you tenderly put it back on his feet.
As you were waiting to pay, he suddenly went into an outburst getting much louder, and hitting himself in the head with his fists. You so gently reached over and stroked his arms and spoke calmly to him. I had tears in my eyes as I watched how you cared for him with love. You didn’t grab him or yell at him or try to “make him behave”. You just comforted him and tried to make him feel safe.
I saw you paying with a WIC card, and your behavior it impressed me even more. I don’t know if you are married or a single mom, but obviously money is tight. Money issues, and dealing with a child with special needs can take a lot out of you. I don’t know how you felt on the inside, but on the outside, you were not taking it out on your kids.
I wanted to help. So badly, I wanted to help. I didn’t know what to do. You don’t know me, so it’s not like I could offer to take your kids for the afternoon. I couldn’t afford to buy that buggy full of groceries for you.
So, I used all I had. My words.
I didn’t know what to say. Everything I said in my head sounded silly.
I hoped you didn’t think I was interfering, but I had to say something, so I walked up and touched you on the shoulder and prayed for God to give me the words to speak as I said,
“Can I just tell you that you are doing an awesome job with your kids? I know it’s not the same, but I have a daughter with Asperger’s and I know it can be stressful. The way you speak to your children and the way you have been handling him shows how much you love him.”
With tears in your eyes, you replied with “Thank you, that means so much!”. We gave each other a knowing glance, and parted ways.
I wish I could have done more. But the tears in your eyes told me that I had done something.
I learned from you too. You reminded me how important it is to put our children’s needs first. Not to worry about what the other people in the store think. It doesn’t matter. What matters is that our kids know we love them unconditionally just as they are.
Hard day..
My son was diagnosed almost a month ago.Ever since then i have been finding it hard to fall asleep. i just sit in bed for hours and hours thinking about what i did wrong, if i should have done something or shouldn't have done something. i keep thinking to myself that i could have prevented this. i could have done things differently. but of course ill never know the answer to the question WHY? and that is what annoys me the most about this. i dont do good with unanswered questions. therefore, this particular question will haunt me until the day i day.
i got into an argument with my sister last night. which continued to this morning.
background: my whole family doesn't care about me or my kids and neither does my husbands family. i have only told a handful of people about devyn's autism. only because i don't feel the need to put him in front of everyone just to be judged.
so, i asked her for support. which is what family is supposed to be there for. all she did was yell at me and called me HORRIBLE names and said HORRIBLE things. here i am grieving for my son and his future and all i want is support from people who are supposed to care. is that too much to ask for? really? IS IT?
so apparently i am such a horrible person wanting support and grieving for my son. ridiculous. absolutely ridiculous. everybody needs support in their lives. and family is supposed to be there. family is supposed to care. it breaks my heart every single day that my kids aren't able to experience that with other family members. i guess that will be another question ill never know the answer to...
anyway, enough of the venting. i need to forget about them.
autumn has her 9m check up today (a month late)..
i have a list of questions and concerns to present to their pediatrician. ill update later tonight.
i got into an argument with my sister last night. which continued to this morning.
background: my whole family doesn't care about me or my kids and neither does my husbands family. i have only told a handful of people about devyn's autism. only because i don't feel the need to put him in front of everyone just to be judged.
so, i asked her for support. which is what family is supposed to be there for. all she did was yell at me and called me HORRIBLE names and said HORRIBLE things. here i am grieving for my son and his future and all i want is support from people who are supposed to care. is that too much to ask for? really? IS IT?
so apparently i am such a horrible person wanting support and grieving for my son. ridiculous. absolutely ridiculous. everybody needs support in their lives. and family is supposed to be there. family is supposed to care. it breaks my heart every single day that my kids aren't able to experience that with other family members. i guess that will be another question ill never know the answer to...
anyway, enough of the venting. i need to forget about them.
autumn has her 9m check up today (a month late)..
i have a list of questions and concerns to present to their pediatrician. ill update later tonight.
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