So thankful..

WARNING: Kind of an emotional post. Sorry if it upsets anyone..just felt like I had to share our day.

Today was a hard day. Every year we go visit my grandparents and aunt at the cemetery on Christmas Eve or Christmas. We weren't able to go this past holiday but were able to go today. I just cant believe my grandparents have been gone for almost 10 years and my aunt passed away over 20 years ago..I really wish I was able to actually know her and have more memories of her. I bought them new flowers for their wall. Pretty bouquet of flowers I put together..




<3<3<3

I miss them so much. I don't have a lot of memories of my aunt because I was only 6 when she died. But, I of course remember my grandparents. My grandma was the sweetest lady you could ever meet...a truly wonderful soul. I used to always say that she was the only person who truly cared about me. I knew she would always love me no matter what I did... <3 My grandpa passed away suddenly less than 6 months after my grandma passed. 2003 was a very hard year. Probably the worst year ever.

Then we went to visit my other grandma at a different cemetery.


She just passed away this past April. I miss her a lot.

My grandma had 10 children. Tragically her first child died..She lived for a day and they had no idea how she died. I visited her too. <3



My grandma was so strong. She cared for 9 children all by herself. She had a hard life but in the end she was loved and appreciated by so many...I will miss her a lot.

Lots of emotions for one day. I just knew I had to go and visit them all today though and I'm glad I did. Life really is precious.

Devyn kept saying Hi grandma, I love you and I want to see grandma at home. That broke my heart because he of course doesn't understand. But, just hearing him say grandma is wonderful. I've just been hearing a lot of tragic stories lately about people losing their loved ones to unfortunate circumstances. Makes me heart ache for them and their families. Life can be so cruel because things happen that we cant control and we lose the ones we love. I am just feeling so thankful for my healthy children. Life is hard and we have gone through some difficult things recently..but when bad things happen it just makes you so thankful for what you do have. My sweet little nuggets...

No more neuro!

Gosh, It seems like I haven't posted in awhile. I need to keep up with this more often.
Anywho, We did the 3 day monitoring. It wasnt as bad as I thought but it was still difficult. The hardest parts were of course putting the things on Devyn's head as well as putting the IV in. He didn't know what was going on. He didnt understand why we were there. He just looked at me and screamed while they did these things to him. Made my heart hurt. Being in the hospital made me really sad. Just realizing that a lot of families have to live in these hospitals. Their loved ones dont always come home. Breaks my heart. We were able to leave. It isnt always the case for others. Being there for only 3 days felt like weeks! But, we were able to leave. I cant begin to imagine how others feel.

Devyn got restless towards the end..he did get some visitors though! He loved that. So thankful that a few people came to visit so he didnt feel like we were doing something horrible to him. All this stuff has changed him. Since he has gotten the eeg, MRI, hospital stay..he is somehow different. He gets scared easily, he is afraid of a lot of new places and things, his anxiety is through the roof..he is changed. But, the GOOD news is that there is no reason to believe he has any kind of seizure disorder. They didnt find any major activity on the eeg in the hospital except I guess possible signs of activity. But, the doctor assured us that it isnt enough for them to diagnose or put him on any medication. So, he was discharged from seeing neuro and we only need to be seen on a as needed basis. SO HAPPY FOR THAT! Happy that this testing is over with. I just hope my little dude will be able to overcome this fear of his. They gave him a bear for being discharged..and autumn too! :)


My daughter also had her big appointment with a developmental pediatrician. It was not a good appointment. I left feeling like the worlds worst mother. This doctor made it seem like I dont do anything with my child and that it is my fault she is delayed. She kept saying she sees red flags in her for autism. I denied such things. I know what autism is and yes she is a doctor but I KNOW in my heart that my daughter does not have autism. This lady was beyond ridiculous. She said quite a few things that was very unprofessional and offended me. I called and made a complaint and asked to switch doctors for her follow up. We will see what happens in 4 months...But, I was reassured when I spoke to Autumn's speech therapist. She completely agrees with me. She isn't a dev. ped. But she knows my daughter. She doesnt see ANY red flags.

I have been feeling some crazy emotions these past few months...
Life has been pretty complicated and bad as of late as well. I dont want to get into detail about everything..But, I just hope things get better for us soon. I am really scared and worried...I just hope everything turns out okay. I have also attempted to quit smoking. I havent smoked in 10 days. I hope I can do this but I am very weak these days..I just think I might give in. Life is too stressful. Until my next post..