im happy to say that im doing better today. im trying to put everything in the back of my mind though. which has helped me be less stressed today and im not worrying so much. ive just tried to keep myself busy all day. the kids have been more demanding as usual. well, i guess that is a semi lie because they are always pretty demanding. haha. but with them and cleaning non-stop..my day went by fast! man, i wish every single day was like this! i will try to keep this up.
non-stop cleaning every day for me! hah.
anywho, i sat in on devyn's session today. i try to sit in and bring autumn in there to watch his sessions and participate as much as i can. he had a relatively good session. he had a few short meltdowns and almost hit autumn a few times..but it was less than he usually does. i think his communication and understanding of things is getting a little better. i think he understands what sorry means. the other day he bumped my husband and said sorry :) it was pretty cute. i wish his therapy wouldnt end because i know its beneficial for him. he will be starting special education preschool in march though, so that will be good for him. if he gets into the class i want him to be, it will be individualized. but he will also have group time.
i finally got devyn's occupational therapy worked out today. it sure took long enough! he is able to go two times a week. but with everything going on right now and with having only one car, we decided to try just one day a week for an hour right now and then gradually do more hours a week. he loved it there when he had his evaluation. im hoping this will help with his sensory issues.
Wednesday, January 5, 2011
Tuesday, January 4, 2011
so take my hand...lets walk away.
so i decided to cut all ties with my family. my sister said one too many horrible things to me today.
apparently, im not ALLOWED to grieve over my sons diagnosis.
people are so fucking ignorant. pardon my french. but that was the last straw. i will no longer associate with disgusting human beings like that again.
ANYWHO,
we went to the doctor today for autumn. she weights 20 lbs 9 oz and she is 27 inches tall. she is in the 50% for her weight and 25% for her height. my little shorty girl! :D but she is doing good. i talked to their doctor about everything on my list. she was due for two vaccines today. hep b and the flu shot. i decided to definitely not get the flu shot and delay the hep b. i just dont feel comfortable with her getting any vaccines right now. im not saying i think they cause autism..i just dont know what to make of it right now and cannot make a decision as to when i want her to get them right then. the dr reassured me that the hep b isnt necessary right now. and she can get it when she is four or 5. so that made things easier and put my mind at ease. she is also going to get her thyroid levels checked again just to make sure there isnt a problem with her thyroid too.
as for devyn, we went over the gf/cf diet. she said to go ahead and try it and see what happens. so we will try out that diet probably next month. of course im not putting much hope in it. because there ISNT a cure for autism. but it doesnt hurt to try right?
these last few days have been an emotional roller coast. i cant believe i actually thought my family would be supportive. how stupid of me. this is the last time i will ever think about doing that again..
from now on all i NEED to focus on is MY family. everything else is secondary.
ill end on this interesting little article that i saw posted on a message board group im apart of...
BY MIDLIFE ARMY WIFE, ON JANUARY 3RD, 2011
Dear Struggling Mom,
I heard your child all over the store. As I visited different areas of the store in search for the things on my list, I could hear him stimming. Loudly. I recognized it immediately. My heart immediately went out to you even though I hadn’t seen you yet. I knew that grocery shopping was probably not on your list of fun things to do today, let alone with your child in tow.
As I approached the checkout lanes, I saw you. You weren’t hard to find. He was about 5 years old, sitting in the front seat of the buggy as your daughter (6 or 7?) stood next to it. I wondered how many people were judging you thinking that your child was misbehaving as he squirmed, kicked, and yelled from his place in the buggy. I know I once would have. Before I was a parent. Before I was a parent of a special needs child. I wondered how many people avoided getting in that lane behind you, but I just felt like I needed to choose that lane. I ended up behind you with one person in between us. My heart broke as I saw the tired, worn out look on your face. You had a buggy full of groceries, which meant you had been there a while. I have no doubt you were ready to get out of the store and on your way home.
I looked down and saw a small tennis shoe under the buggy of the lady in front of me. She had no kids. I looked forward at your son’s feet – yep! Missing a shoe. I picked it up and handed it to you, and you just smiled and said thanks.
I watched as you tenderly put the shoe back on his foot. Then, as you turned your back and he continued to kick, off it came again. Not wanting to interfere too much, I waited to see if you caught it. You did. Once again, you tenderly put it back on his feet.
As you were waiting to pay, he suddenly went into an outburst getting much louder, and hitting himself in the head with his fists. You so gently reached over and stroked his arms and spoke calmly to him. I had tears in my eyes as I watched how you cared for him with love. You didn’t grab him or yell at him or try to “make him behave”. You just comforted him and tried to make him feel safe.
I saw you paying with a WIC card, and your behavior it impressed me even more. I don’t know if you are married or a single mom, but obviously money is tight. Money issues, and dealing with a child with special needs can take a lot out of you. I don’t know how you felt on the inside, but on the outside, you were not taking it out on your kids.
I wanted to help. So badly, I wanted to help. I didn’t know what to do. You don’t know me, so it’s not like I could offer to take your kids for the afternoon. I couldn’t afford to buy that buggy full of groceries for you.
So, I used all I had. My words.
I didn’t know what to say. Everything I said in my head sounded silly.
I hoped you didn’t think I was interfering, but I had to say something, so I walked up and touched you on the shoulder and prayed for God to give me the words to speak as I said,
“Can I just tell you that you are doing an awesome job with your kids? I know it’s not the same, but I have a daughter with Asperger’s and I know it can be stressful. The way you speak to your children and the way you have been handling him shows how much you love him.”
With tears in your eyes, you replied with “Thank you, that means so much!”. We gave each other a knowing glance, and parted ways.
I wish I could have done more. But the tears in your eyes told me that I had done something.
I learned from you too. You reminded me how important it is to put our children’s needs first. Not to worry about what the other people in the store think. It doesn’t matter. What matters is that our kids know we love them unconditionally just as they are.
apparently, im not ALLOWED to grieve over my sons diagnosis.
people are so fucking ignorant. pardon my french. but that was the last straw. i will no longer associate with disgusting human beings like that again.
ANYWHO,
we went to the doctor today for autumn. she weights 20 lbs 9 oz and she is 27 inches tall. she is in the 50% for her weight and 25% for her height. my little shorty girl! :D but she is doing good. i talked to their doctor about everything on my list. she was due for two vaccines today. hep b and the flu shot. i decided to definitely not get the flu shot and delay the hep b. i just dont feel comfortable with her getting any vaccines right now. im not saying i think they cause autism..i just dont know what to make of it right now and cannot make a decision as to when i want her to get them right then. the dr reassured me that the hep b isnt necessary right now. and she can get it when she is four or 5. so that made things easier and put my mind at ease. she is also going to get her thyroid levels checked again just to make sure there isnt a problem with her thyroid too.
as for devyn, we went over the gf/cf diet. she said to go ahead and try it and see what happens. so we will try out that diet probably next month. of course im not putting much hope in it. because there ISNT a cure for autism. but it doesnt hurt to try right?
these last few days have been an emotional roller coast. i cant believe i actually thought my family would be supportive. how stupid of me. this is the last time i will ever think about doing that again..
from now on all i NEED to focus on is MY family. everything else is secondary.
ill end on this interesting little article that i saw posted on a message board group im apart of...
BY MIDLIFE ARMY WIFE, ON JANUARY 3RD, 2011
Dear Struggling Mom,
I heard your child all over the store. As I visited different areas of the store in search for the things on my list, I could hear him stimming. Loudly. I recognized it immediately. My heart immediately went out to you even though I hadn’t seen you yet. I knew that grocery shopping was probably not on your list of fun things to do today, let alone with your child in tow.
As I approached the checkout lanes, I saw you. You weren’t hard to find. He was about 5 years old, sitting in the front seat of the buggy as your daughter (6 or 7?) stood next to it. I wondered how many people were judging you thinking that your child was misbehaving as he squirmed, kicked, and yelled from his place in the buggy. I know I once would have. Before I was a parent. Before I was a parent of a special needs child. I wondered how many people avoided getting in that lane behind you, but I just felt like I needed to choose that lane. I ended up behind you with one person in between us. My heart broke as I saw the tired, worn out look on your face. You had a buggy full of groceries, which meant you had been there a while. I have no doubt you were ready to get out of the store and on your way home.
I looked down and saw a small tennis shoe under the buggy of the lady in front of me. She had no kids. I looked forward at your son’s feet – yep! Missing a shoe. I picked it up and handed it to you, and you just smiled and said thanks.
I watched as you tenderly put the shoe back on his foot. Then, as you turned your back and he continued to kick, off it came again. Not wanting to interfere too much, I waited to see if you caught it. You did. Once again, you tenderly put it back on his feet.
As you were waiting to pay, he suddenly went into an outburst getting much louder, and hitting himself in the head with his fists. You so gently reached over and stroked his arms and spoke calmly to him. I had tears in my eyes as I watched how you cared for him with love. You didn’t grab him or yell at him or try to “make him behave”. You just comforted him and tried to make him feel safe.
I saw you paying with a WIC card, and your behavior it impressed me even more. I don’t know if you are married or a single mom, but obviously money is tight. Money issues, and dealing with a child with special needs can take a lot out of you. I don’t know how you felt on the inside, but on the outside, you were not taking it out on your kids.
I wanted to help. So badly, I wanted to help. I didn’t know what to do. You don’t know me, so it’s not like I could offer to take your kids for the afternoon. I couldn’t afford to buy that buggy full of groceries for you.
So, I used all I had. My words.
I didn’t know what to say. Everything I said in my head sounded silly.
I hoped you didn’t think I was interfering, but I had to say something, so I walked up and touched you on the shoulder and prayed for God to give me the words to speak as I said,
“Can I just tell you that you are doing an awesome job with your kids? I know it’s not the same, but I have a daughter with Asperger’s and I know it can be stressful. The way you speak to your children and the way you have been handling him shows how much you love him.”
With tears in your eyes, you replied with “Thank you, that means so much!”. We gave each other a knowing glance, and parted ways.
I wish I could have done more. But the tears in your eyes told me that I had done something.
I learned from you too. You reminded me how important it is to put our children’s needs first. Not to worry about what the other people in the store think. It doesn’t matter. What matters is that our kids know we love them unconditionally just as they are.
Hard day..
My son was diagnosed almost a month ago.Ever since then i have been finding it hard to fall asleep. i just sit in bed for hours and hours thinking about what i did wrong, if i should have done something or shouldn't have done something. i keep thinking to myself that i could have prevented this. i could have done things differently. but of course ill never know the answer to the question WHY? and that is what annoys me the most about this. i dont do good with unanswered questions. therefore, this particular question will haunt me until the day i day.
i got into an argument with my sister last night. which continued to this morning.
background: my whole family doesn't care about me or my kids and neither does my husbands family. i have only told a handful of people about devyn's autism. only because i don't feel the need to put him in front of everyone just to be judged.
so, i asked her for support. which is what family is supposed to be there for. all she did was yell at me and called me HORRIBLE names and said HORRIBLE things. here i am grieving for my son and his future and all i want is support from people who are supposed to care. is that too much to ask for? really? IS IT?
so apparently i am such a horrible person wanting support and grieving for my son. ridiculous. absolutely ridiculous. everybody needs support in their lives. and family is supposed to be there. family is supposed to care. it breaks my heart every single day that my kids aren't able to experience that with other family members. i guess that will be another question ill never know the answer to...
anyway, enough of the venting. i need to forget about them.
autumn has her 9m check up today (a month late)..
i have a list of questions and concerns to present to their pediatrician. ill update later tonight.
i got into an argument with my sister last night. which continued to this morning.
background: my whole family doesn't care about me or my kids and neither does my husbands family. i have only told a handful of people about devyn's autism. only because i don't feel the need to put him in front of everyone just to be judged.
so, i asked her for support. which is what family is supposed to be there for. all she did was yell at me and called me HORRIBLE names and said HORRIBLE things. here i am grieving for my son and his future and all i want is support from people who are supposed to care. is that too much to ask for? really? IS IT?
so apparently i am such a horrible person wanting support and grieving for my son. ridiculous. absolutely ridiculous. everybody needs support in their lives. and family is supposed to be there. family is supposed to care. it breaks my heart every single day that my kids aren't able to experience that with other family members. i guess that will be another question ill never know the answer to...
anyway, enough of the venting. i need to forget about them.
autumn has her 9m check up today (a month late)..
i have a list of questions and concerns to present to their pediatrician. ill update later tonight.
Friday, December 31, 2010
12-30-06
The other day was our 4 year anniversary. I cant believe it has been 4 years since we ran off to Vegas and got married. We were planning on doing nothing because of my husbands salary cut at work and no babysitter. But, we ended up having my friend watch them. Which is crazy, because nobody ever does. hah. Anywho, it was a nice short little getaway. We went to this place called woodbridge. They have a nice little lake and benches all around. We sat there for awhile and walked around the lake. It was nice and quiet. Then we went to barnes and noble across the street. We wanted to find some books on autism. We found quite a few. I started reading this book called "Overcoming Autism." I really want to get that book. Along with a few others. Hopefully I can get them soon once our financial situation gets worked out.
I have been looking into a GF/CF diet for my son. Studies have shown that it has helped lessen symptoms in some autistic kids. It doesn't work for all kids. It hasn't even been proven that it indeed helps at all. But, I think..why not give it a try if there is a chance that his symptoms can decrease? I just want to try anything and everything to try to help him.
I also decided that from now on we are using chemical free everything.
Lately, I have been thinking in my mind over and over again..why does my son have autism? how did he get it? did I do something wrong? I really hope not. But, I guess, we will never get an answer to any of these questions.
I have been looking into a GF/CF diet for my son. Studies have shown that it has helped lessen symptoms in some autistic kids. It doesn't work for all kids. It hasn't even been proven that it indeed helps at all. But, I think..why not give it a try if there is a chance that his symptoms can decrease? I just want to try anything and everything to try to help him.
I also decided that from now on we are using chemical free everything.
Lately, I have been thinking in my mind over and over again..why does my son have autism? how did he get it? did I do something wrong? I really hope not. But, I guess, we will never get an answer to any of these questions.
Wednesday, December 22, 2010
devyn
hello. it has been awhile since i have posted. but a lot has happened since.
my son was diagnosed with autism on December 6th, 2010. i always knew he was most likely on the spectrum. but its different when you actually take your child to be evaluated and hear those words from the doctor... "So...Devyn has autism.."
i just bursted into tears. im not sure why. i mean..i expected her to say something along those lines. but she was just so direct about it. it was like okay..what next?
she said devyn has a mild form of autism. but she sees great potential in him and with more therapy and by enrolling him in special education preschool, she thinks he can lead a normal life. i really hope he can. the last thing i want is for my sweet boy to be judged his whole life and have way more difficulties in life than a child should. his speech and behavior are what concerns me the most. i really hope his therapy isnt cut off at three..because he really needs it. i really hope he can continue to thrive and learn to communicate more.
chris and i enrolled in a class that is about 6 weeks long and it is somewhat like a support group for parents who have children that were recently diagnosed with autism. i hope this class helps us learn new ways to control his behavior.
my son was diagnosed with autism on December 6th, 2010. i always knew he was most likely on the spectrum. but its different when you actually take your child to be evaluated and hear those words from the doctor... "So...Devyn has autism.."
i just bursted into tears. im not sure why. i mean..i expected her to say something along those lines. but she was just so direct about it. it was like okay..what next?
she said devyn has a mild form of autism. but she sees great potential in him and with more therapy and by enrolling him in special education preschool, she thinks he can lead a normal life. i really hope he can. the last thing i want is for my sweet boy to be judged his whole life and have way more difficulties in life than a child should. his speech and behavior are what concerns me the most. i really hope his therapy isnt cut off at three..because he really needs it. i really hope he can continue to thrive and learn to communicate more.
chris and i enrolled in a class that is about 6 weeks long and it is somewhat like a support group for parents who have children that were recently diagnosed with autism. i hope this class helps us learn new ways to control his behavior.
Thursday, June 17, 2010
hello there!
HELLO! i totally forgot about this thing...havent written in it in a longgg time! anywho, a lot has happened! chris and i just had our second child. a girl, her name is autumn grace and she is an absolute doll! i just love her to pieces! devyn loves her too..however, he can get pretty rough! we just moved to irvine and are SOOOO soo happy here! our apartment is amazing and so is the area! it is so nice and so safe for the kids and us. so, other than that..nothing is new! just a quick update...tomorrow i gotta get up early to take autumn to CHOC. she is getting a gi series done..poor girl has to get an xray to get a better look at her gi tract. i wonder if they will find anything wrong! i just want my baby girl to stop throwing up! :( after that we are going to the la zoo tomorrow! so excited! this weekend is going to be busy busy busy!
Monday, January 12, 2009
goodbye to you my friend..
i just heard that an old friend of mine died early yesterday morning in a car accident in fullerton.
his name was andrew martinez and he was one of the nicest people ive ever met.
i havent seen him in YEARS..but i would think about him..and try to catch him at his job in the mall..
he was in a few bands the nekromantix and the rocketz..
but i remember him from a long long long time ago.
i would always think about these times in my life and miss them like no other..
but now i have a bigger reason to miss them.
life can slip away at any minute...
i dont know what to say..
its just soo sad...
ill always remember that halloween night..oh i dont know..what was it..like..7 years ago?
you dressed as a Mormon riding a bike around the show...you were so nice to everyone you met.
rest in peace andrew..
1983-2009
you'll always be in our hearts...
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